spider_system: Maxwell Demon (MD) icon (MD)
 If you don't hear from us ever again don't be surprised. We're unwanted. We might as well be dead. Sorry for being a bother to everyone. We love you guys. We thought we were friends. But half of the people we ever talk to never seem to like us. 

Again, we're sorry. 
spider_system: Maxwell Demon (MD) icon (MD)
 I promised. 

I lied. 

I'm sorry. 

I'm tired. 

Nothing matters. 

I don't know when I'll see you again, but I'm more alive than I'll ever be...


May. 23rd, 2017 04:10 pm
spider_system: (Gabe)
Hey all. I'm Gabriel. You can call me Gabe. I used to be known as GC/Good Cat/Jia 2.0/whatever. OK got the names out of the way? GOOD BCUZ WE GOT SOME TROUBLES. 

Jia...has...a boyfriend. And MD literally just found out like, 30 minutes ago? Maybe? Well YOU CAN IMAGINE THE REACTION. He started crying on the outside, but on the inside, in the headspace, it's literally...well, he's destroying shit. And by destroying shit I mean HE'S BREAKING DOWN BUILDINGS AND SETTING THINGS ON FIRE? (I mean yeah i know it's only in the headspace. BUT STILL. HE'S HALF DESTROYED THE WHOLE FUCKIN HOUSE! NOT RAD) 

I saw a weird shadow thing protecting him from stuff as he did this. I think he's coming up with a new headmate thru all this pain. 

He can't keep doing this shit. This is our home ya know? I mean we can set up a lil room for him where he can destroy shit. NOT THE WHOLE PLACE. I hate that he's in pain. But dammit. I hate that I look like Jia in this moment because FUCK THAT'S NOT HELPING. 

So as I'm checking the headspace rn from here, it's basically fucked. We're gonna have to rebuild EVERYTHING. 

All I have to say is THANKS JIA FOR BEING A FUCK UP 
spider_system: Maxwell Demon (MD) icon (MD)
 Good news (???): It's nothing life threatening/chronic

Bad news: I'm still dehydrated. And it was SO BAD before I got it checked it out that my meds were actually backtracking as though they were new meds and giving me side effects. These side effects? Breathing issues! Dizziness! ALL THAT JAZZ. 

So what are we supposed to do? Keep drinking water. Less pop. Be safe. 

spider_system: Maxwell Demon (MD) icon (MD)
 No news yet. My appointment is in about 2 hours now. I've gotten myself as clean as i can without passing out, and i hope I smell good. :P I put on a small dose of perfume, but not too much...

I'm scared. Of a lot. First, I'm scared he'll tell me it's just my weight without doing any sorta testing. Just "You're out of shape. Lose weight, fatty." Type thing. It's happened before and then i ended up with tendinitis and shit soooo. The second thing I'm scared of is that I'll actually have something wrong with me. Like Mom. 

I'm scared of having to potentially use an oxygen machine. And having to use a wheelchair when I go out. And breathing treatments. All that stuff...I'm scared. 

Hopefully this isn't anything too bad. But if it is, I'm going to try to keep a positive attitude. I know that can make or break things. Not to say I'm dying or anything, but when my grandpa found out he only had a year to live from his cancer, he died within 3 weeks...it's like, he had lived with it for a long time before that, but I guess he was just tired of fighting? 

I hope i never have to deal with that kind of stuff, but as I sit here trying to breathe, I wonder how bad my life is gonna get from here...
spider_system: Je Icon (Je)
 I just blocked 3 blogs on Tumblr due to MD's mental health...And by that I mean, they were bad for him, so I blocked them. I would like to do the same for Jia's instagram account, but..MD will not allow me to. AT ALL. 

I worry about MD a lot. He seems to be going down a dark path. Obsessing over Jia all the time, wishing for BC to be here to hurt him....It's not good. And plus all the breathing issues...I love MD, despite the fact that I'm more with Omega now and he's with Gabe...We're still TOGETHER, ya know? I still LOVE HIM and I always will. I want what's best for him...
spider_system: Alex Icon (Alex)
 -still not breathing well
-drinking plenty of water
-was cramping last night (weeee) 
-can't stand for too long? 

Things don't seem to be looking up health wise. 

(also, not sure if I've posted on here before, but I'm Alex!)
spider_system: Je Icon (Je)
 Hello everyone. We went to the ER on Tuesday? Yeah! Tuesday! but don't you worry! We just were severely dehydrated! :P That's what we get for not drinking enough water...

So, no pops, all water, some milk or Gatorade occasionally. Mostly water. It sucks, but ya know, it's fine. As long as we live. Our blood pressure was literally at 180/120. (aka NOT GOOD) 

Uh let's see...what else...MD is trying to further himself away from Jia/BC. That's tough for him tho. Jia was literally JUST in Ohio (our home state) yesterday and MD wasn't able to see him. SO THAT'S A PISS. But I think it's good? I don't think MD needs to be around that toxic guy? 

Ah well, anyway! Things are...looking up? rn? Sorta? I mean, we feel like shit sorta, and things really are going downhill for us all, but we're maintaining. And that's the important part!


May. 15th, 2017 05:30 pm
spider_system: Je Icon (Je)
 Hello! We haven't updated in a few days. Things are ok as of now. MD has been hooked to GC, who now goes by Gabe because he wants to further himself away from Jia and BC. Which I don't blame him. They suck. 

Uhm, as for like family issues, things seem to be "under control" as of now. So that's good! :D 
spider_system: Our usual default "symbol"? (Default)
 MD: We went to the house today. It's a total wreck. Dad went inside and found all 11 of their cats dead inside. We all had a good cry over that. We found my grandparents' glasses in there, and some other stuff like marriage license and some photographs that weren't destroyed. The place is destroyed. They'd be dead if it weren't for the two men who helped them out of the house...God it's so scary to think about. 


May. 11th, 2017 06:11 pm
spider_system: Maxwell Demon (MD) icon (MD)
MD: my grandparents' house burned down last night. They survived the fire, but they lost everything. They lost all belongings, as well as their cats. The place is gone. I was just there like, not that long ago? It's so odd to think about this. All the Christmas Eves that were spent there...birthdays...anniversaries. All the memories are...gone...just...gone. 

I know I'm shaken up, but i can't even begin to imagine what they're feeling rn. I've talked to my grandma just a few minutes today but her voice is shaky and it sounds as though it's a struggle for her to speak without crying. I can only imagine that she's trying her hardest not to bawl constantly. 

...anyway...yeah. that's the update.
spider_system: Maxwell Demon (MD) icon (MD)
So far so good, despite peeing inside 2x today. It's better than the 4 he did yesterday. But there's still time. He goes outside to do his business in about 15 minutes so i figured I'd whip up a post real fast about how he's doing. 

His attitude seems better. As in, he doesn't seem so sad/depressed as he was yesterday. He came up to me (after trying to find me for a minute), tail wagging and licked my hand. He stood there and let me pet him for a bit. Now he's just sleeping. He sleeps a lot, but that's probably just because he's old and everything. 

In other news, my knockoff fidget cube should be shipping out today or tomorrow. I'm really excited about that! My dad seems to think it's stupid but honestly? Good for him idgaf. 

So...yeah, that's about it for now. I'll check in later. 

spider_system: Our usual default "symbol"? (Default)
 MD: Rascal is our pupper. And I use the term "pupper" lightly because he's 14 years old. He always had eye issues, but then our old cat scratched one of them. and he had cataracts in the other, which caused him to be nearly completely blind by the age of 8-9. Now he IS completely blind, and has been for a few years now. Apart from that he's got bad hips, and we're pretty sure he's going deaf. 

And now there's more. A few months ago, he started peeing inside. And we thought, "Well, he's an old dog, ya know. It's gonna happen." Then we realized that he's been drinking a lot more. Like, full bowls full of water thru-out the day. Whereas before it was half a bowl ya know? And he's peeing so frequently now. Dad keeps getting mad at him as tho he's doing it on purpose. He kicked him today after he peed once and slammed the poor thing into the oven. I felt so awful. I've been checking on him all day since. 

He still eats. Not nearly as much as he drinks, but I suppose that's a good thing. But,tho, I have noticed that he only goes to his food bowl maybe once a day now instead of multiple times a day, so maybe it's not good...

But, I know something is wrong with him. I just don't know what, and we can't afford to take him to the vet any time soon because, as yall know, we're broke. So it's like, we're basically just sitting here slowly watching him die. I hate it. We've had Rascal since he was just a baby. I don't want to lose him. 
spider_system: Je Icon (Je)
 Je: Hey all. We still have internet for now. But we don't know for how long. Just know that we love you and everything. Hopefully if it goes away it won't be for long, or if it is...we'll hopefully get some way to talk to yall. 
spider_system: Maxwell Demon (MD) icon (MD)
 MD: I'm trying not to cry as I type this honestly. But as yall know, we're in a bit of a financial struggle. And we got our cable/internet/phone bill today and it said that we had paid it late, therefor it went up. My dad's going to go talk to them tomorrow, but he might just have it all shut off tomorrow? So, if that is the case, I just want to say my see ya's now. I love yall. I'm gonna miss yall too, so, leave me messages and I'll get to them when I can. 

<3 <3 <3 
spider_system: Maxwell Demon (MD) icon (MD)
 Have I talked about this before? Probably. Jia, who has been mentioned in spider-system.dreamwidth.org/1496.html that post, is who I'm mainly speaking of. 

He just like. he hates me. he hates me. he doesn't love me. he doesn't love me so therefor he hates me. He barely knows me which is why he hates me. He doesn't care about me. I talked to him literally like a handful of times and he hates me. HE HATES ME HE WANTS ME DEAD. I've thought of killing myself for him before. I've hurt myself over him a lot. I did today, actually. 

HE FUCKING...HE WANTS ME DEAD. HE DOESNT CARE. I don't understand what I did to have him hate me. He posted on Instagram today and I cut my leg to make it up to him that I'm not good enough for him. It's a pact i made myself partake in, that because i'm not good enough for him, every time he posts on Instagram I have to cut at least 5 times and if it's his face he posts, double it. It was just a pic of a phone case he bought. But he called himself a huge dork and I'm just like "You're more like a fucking IDIOT FOR NOT BEING WITH ME." Tho I guess I get that I'm a bit on the bad side of humanity and I understand why he hates me. 

I feel like i'm going insane over him all over again. I lost friends because of this. Good friends. I hate myself. I don't want to have to deal with this stuff anymore? 

(Also, just a side note, I'm not actively suicidal...I'm safe. When I say "cuts" I mean I barely bleed but it's enough to hurt me.)

Anyway, just fuckin end me right? 
spider_system: Je Icon (Je)
And with icons comes the awesomeness of not having to necessarily sign our names with EVERY. LITTLE. THING. That doesn't mean we never will anymore...for example, say I'm typing and someone wants to chime in, they can just do it! 

(MD: It's gonna look a little somethin like this!) 

^^^^ Like that! :D 

Anyway, we've had these pics for a while, and just never set it up? And the one titled "um" is literally for like, if there's drama we're discussing or whatever. :P We just liked their face in that pic. :P 

We have around 30 people in the system, and not everyone could get an icon on here, but that's ok because if they wanna talk they decided they'll use the default icon! :D We really only gave icons to the main fronters, tbh. So there's that! :D 

But OK anyway, we'll still be tagging with who talked and everything, but if two or more people talk we'll simply say, in this case, "Je (main)" and then everyone else who has talked! I hope this all makes sense. And I hope you all like our icons and shit! :D 
spider_system: Our usual default "symbol"? (Default)
Je: MD said "yes" to a certain extent! To what question did he say yes to? WHY THE BIG Q OF COURSE. 

That's right, we're gettin murried! As in, in system marriage! YAY. And actually his initial response was "*SPIT TAKE* WHAT?!" but he said yes! I'm a fiancee for now! :D YAYYYYY 

Once we have a ring, which MD says he knows where one is, we'll call it a deal :P 
spider_system: Our usual default "symbol"? (Default)
Je: So we looked around on Tumblr for those ask meme thingies, and we found one that we wanted to answer and stuff on here. We're all just going to chime in when we want! :D 

Yay questions and shit )


May. 1st, 2017 04:07 pm
spider_system: Our usual default "symbol"? (Default)
MD: Dad was able to fix the car. It's driveable, at least for now. So that's a plus. I really don't have anything to update on that part. 

In fact, that's really the only update. He's still not talking to most of the fam...which honestly sucks.

But uh...you guys heard of Outlast 2? That new game? yeah I was watching a play thru and saw the one character, Val, and in my mind, was just like "THEY SEEM NEAT." WELL GOOD FOR U KIDDO CUZ NOW YA GOT VAL IN UR SYSTEM. They're not as "Evil" here, as they are in the game, which is good. VERY GOOD. But yeah. I'm a screw up :P 
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