Apr. 11th, 2017

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(TW TALK ABOUT EATING DISORDERS...obviously)

MD: Whelp. 

I should've seen it coming a long time ago. To be quite fair, I did, but I pushed it aside. Basically, I, the host/the body, have EDNOS. And like, I haven't been given the diagnosis just yet, but they said "please get it checked out. you're in potential danger." 

Uhm, so, i suppose I should tell ya all what Ive been going thru. Uh, I throw up, a lot. Intentionally. That's the biggest one. I sometimes try to starve but, it doesn't work. I've just picked up over-exercising. And like, my body image is horrible. I hate how i look. I hate myself so much. 

This all, like many of my other self-destructive ways, were at their peak when BC was in control last year. It's hard to believe that that's all been a year or so now since it started. BUT ANYWAY, we're not talking about BC right now. 

I uh...I've probably gained more weight than lost in this time. And I hate it. I feel so fat. I hate myself. I don't know what to do. 
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Je: The first few days I've had with Sequel have been great. In some ways, they've been stressful, what with BC showing up and MD almost dying. But, the first day, we bought him a whole new wardrobe, and toys and everything. He's pretty independent for being 5. Like, he seems much more grown up. I don't know, he's still just a little kid tho and he still needs us. 

He sometimes reminds MD of BC. And that's not good. But we have that under control. 

Sequel is a good kid. I love him. He's my sweet potato. 

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